Tobi's Song
by Hikuro Yasei
Summary: Of when Itachi is lost and he thinks Kisame belongs in the ocean. Short little oneshot I just came up with, rated for language.


**I do not own Naruto~

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Tobi skipped through the halls, peeking into rooms as he passed them and pouting when he couldn't find who he was looking for. Not that anyone could tell he was pouting, of course. He was looking for Itachi, because Tobi was a good boy and good boys look for their sempai when their sempai gets lost. He hadn't seen Itachi in a while and was starting to wonder what happened to him.

"Kisame-sempai!" Tobi yelled loud enough so that the blue-skinned man would hear if he was either close or not.

"I'm right here, damnit, you don't have to yell," Kisame growled, sticking his head out of the doorway to the kitchen.

"Sempai!" Tobi sang, launching himself at Kisame but was met with a face full of doorframe. He put on fake tears and pouted in the middle of the floor. Kisame, who was raiding the fridge, rolled his eyes and  
stood up, sighing loudly.

"What the hell do you want now?" he asked, and Tobi clapped his hands, standing up.

"Tobi wants to know where Weasel-sempai went," he chirped. Kisame rolled his eyes again.

"He went to the store. Now go bother Hidan. Ask him if you can help him with his ritual," Kisame replied, going back to the fridge. Tobi crossed his arms.

"But Weasel-sempai has been gone a really long time. What if he got lost?" He started crying at the thought of his poor Weasel-sempai, all alone in the woods on a cold night, with snow pouring down. It might  
be summer, but there could be some crazy weather!

"You do realize the town's only about four miles away, right?" Kisame asked, glancing at Tobi condescendingly. "And that we're talking about an S-rank shinobi?" But Tobi wasn't listening to him. He was thinking  
out loud the horrible situations that could happen to Itachi on his way back with the groceries.

"He could trip over a branch and get an owie! And then it'll get infected and he could get really sick and die! Or there could be a landslide, an he gets caught in it and all the small fuzzy animals  
will eat him!"

"Uh, Tobi, I don't think-"

"Or bandits could try and rob him, and he would have to go back to the town to get groceries but now have any more money so he'll have to work for the rest of his life to pay off his horrible debt!"

"Tobi-"

"Or he could have a heart attack and fall off a cliff!"

"We're not anywhere near a cliff-"

"Or he could get attacked by wild Teddy bears and purple spider monkeys! And they take him to their village and make him stay there for the rest of his life as their king!"

"What the hell is he talking about?" Hidan asked as he walked in and Tobi continued on with his ramblings. Kisame sighed, sitting at the table.

"He's freaking out over Itachi going to get groceries," he stated. Hidan snorted.

"Just kill it and put the damn thing out of it's misery," he stated, eyeing the scythe he brought with him thoughtfully.

"...and if he comes back then we can have picnics and play hopscotch then we can finally bring Kisame-sempai back to the ocean to be with his shark friends!" Tobi exclaimed, and Kisame whipped his head around  
to glare at Tobi, but his words were stopped when he saw Tobi had somehow gotten a grand piano into the kitchen and was sitting at it, popping his fingers.

"What the hell?" Kisame looked around the room for some way to have gotten it in.

"Where the hell did the piano come from?" Hidan asked, but Tobi ignored him, too and started playing. They were wondering where he learned to play, along with where the hell he got it, but then he  
started _singing._

"...What does Kisame dream of? When he takes a little sharkie snooze?" Hidan gave a slightly amused smirk while Kisame scowled.

"You brat!" he hissed, glaring. Tobi continued with his song.

"Does he dream of eating swimmers? Or raping Konan in her swimming suit?"

Pein popped up in the doorway, glaring at Kisame menacingly while popping his knuckles, and the fish man backed away slowly, gulping. Hidan started laughing.

"But don't you worry your little gilled head we'll get back into the ocean and your cozy sharkie bed! And then we're gonna find our favorite Weasel pet, and then we're gonna give him a boot to the head!"

"I fuckin like this song!" Hidan guffawed while Kisame sat in his chair, beaten black and blue...well, black.

"Oh, Itachi-sempai, Itachi-sempai, it's weasel stomping time!"

Hidan laughed more while Deidara and Sasori appeared in the doorway, watching Tobi's performance.

"What's he doing?" Deidara asked. Hidan shushed them. Deidara scowled at him and opened his mouth to say something, but Sasori elbowed him in the stomach, effectively shutting him up.

"But if he's been murdered by his little brother..." There was pause and the music slowed down before it finished with three quick notes. "...Well then we're shit of luck."

Hidan started clapping, still laughing his ass off, while Deidara grinned and Sasori gave an amused smirk. Kisame sat in his chair, pouting.

"What's going on?" a deep voice asked as it neared the kitchen.

"Weasel-sempai!" Tobi cried, flinging himself at the Uchiha. "We missed you!"

"I didn't," Hidan put in.

Itachi side stepped the flying lollipop, who got a good taste of the wall. Itachi acted like he hadn't even seen Tobi, and he eyed the musical instrument curiously.

"Where'd the piano come from?"

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**I said it was short, didn't I?**

**And yes, the tune to the song is Stu's song from The Hangover xD Which I learned how to play, so that makes me happy! :3  
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**Well, anyways, reviews are welcome! Lurkers, you make me cry T.T  
**


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